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Jokes about betting

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He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get home. He went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card and ID, his address, et cetera but to no avail. One year later the bitcoiner, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. He went to the front of the casino to get a cab back to the airport.

At the end of a long line of cabs he saw the driver who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. Get the hell out of my cab. The bitcoiner got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. As they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up to each driver. I once gave up women, drinking and gambling… it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice is so pleasurable, that I assume it must be evil. The only business in the world bigger than gambling is religion…but gambling is not nearly so corrupt. Gambling is not as destructive as war or as boring as pornography. It is not as immoral as business or as depressing as watching television.

And the percentages are better than religion. That was a true but incomplete answer. The dice are dancing on the table. Post comment. Notify me when new comments are added. Please tell us your you gambling jokes in the comments section. About BitEdge. I have been living on crypto since More by BitEdge. Anonymous 3 years ago.

I really I hope I break even… I could use the money. Two for the Money 4 years ago. BitEdge 2 years ago. Leave a comment Click here to cancel the reply Your email address will not be published. Crypto sportsbook reviews. View all. Free bets Free spins Free rolls Deposit matches Get crypto bonuses. Edge alerts We have set up alerts when there are opportuntites to gamble crypto with the odds in your favor.

Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail. The steaks are too high. Gambling is really like eating pistachios. If you get a good pistachio, you want another good one. If you get a bad one, you want a good one even more. And that is gambling for you, in a nutshell. In Las Vegas, worshippers can put in casino chips when the collection plate is passed around.

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but then I realized she just wanted to do laundry. Last night he bet his new-born son in a tense moment. I was walking down the street the other day when I tripped over a sign to the local sportsbook. What are the odds on that? A gambler complained to his friend at the bar, "My goodness, I had a woeful time betting today.

I lost nine out of nine college football games, five out of five in baseball, and seven out of seven in hockey. I put a bet on a horse because I was told it had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him. Now you have reached the end of our pun-tastic top ten gambling jokes, why not see if you can have the last laugh? But if you get lucky, you could be laughing all the way to the bank.

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The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. I am just slow-playing aces! Because there were too many cheetahs. Check out Really Funny Money Jokes. In about ten years, the dog quits whining. Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes. You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.

The fucking thing collapsed. Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published. During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right? So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals.

After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle. If you get a bad one, you want a good one even more.

And that is gambling for you, in a nutshell. In Las Vegas, worshippers can put in casino chips when the collection plate is passed around. My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but then I realized she just wanted to do laundry. Last night he bet his new-born son in a tense moment. I was walking down the street the other day when I tripped over a sign to the local sportsbook.

What are the odds on that? A gambler complained to his friend at the bar, "My goodness, I had a woeful time betting today. I lost nine out of nine college football games, five out of five in baseball, and seven out of seven in hockey. I put a bet on a horse because I was told it had excellent breeding.

After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him. Now you have reached the end of our pun-tastic top ten gambling jokes, why not see if you can have the last laugh? But if you get lucky, you could be laughing all the way to the bank.

Home casino-news. Simon Young. Read on for our collection of casino jokes and funny gambling jokes. Going to the dogs A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Las Vegas religion In Las Vegas, worshippers can put in casino chips when the collection plate is passed around.

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During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right? So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle. The bartender was ecstatic.

I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh! Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us. Now that we have your attention, get our awesomely funny app from Apple App Store for free. Get it because it's faster than the guy who's running to pee. Get it because it has lots of funny jokes that will make you laugh. If these reasons aren't good enough for you, get it because we're insecure and need your approval.

This joke may contain profanity. A father was very upset about his young son's betting habits, so went up to school to talk to the boy's teacher, who promised to have a word with him. That night after school she asked the boy to stay behind and confronted him about the bad habits he was getting into.

I was 7 years sober, no alcohol, no cigarettes, no betting, and then I started primary school. If we ever start betting on alphabet cars I will always be betting on the "S" car Because escargot. A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he is being audited. The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. Betting with a blonde Bob walked into his favorite sports bar around PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

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